


People Pleaser

by McBangle



Category: Dumbing of Age
Genre: Excessive Use of Apostrophes, Fix-It, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, In Defense of Robin DeSanto, Minor Leslie Bean/Robin DeSanto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 23:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10841253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McBangle/pseuds/McBangle
Summary: Robin just wants to be liked. She has no idea why Roz an’ Her Lesbian can’t understand that.I've got a lot of headcanons explaining Robin's politics and so I decided to write a fic about them!





	People Pleaser

**Author's Note:**

> In Leslie's early appearances in Shortpacked!, back in the day, Robin used to call her "My Lesbian". It was dehumanizing, disrespectful, inappropriately possessive, and totally Robin. So naturally, I've used that here in this fic.
> 
> I don't agree with or excuse Robin's politics, but this is my attempt at understanding them.
> 
> Robin DeSanto, Dumbing of Age and Shortpacked! belong to David M. Willis.

Robin just wants to be liked. She has no idea why Roz an’ Her Lesbian can’t understand that.

She’d only gone into politics ‘cuz the seat was vacant an’ she didn’t have anything better to do. Some boring white dude was running on the Democratic ticket, an’ most of her jurisdiction is Republican anyway, so she registered with the GOP, threw her hat in the ring, an’ hired herself a team of advisers to tell her what to say to please a crowd.

An’ oh, was she good at pleasing a crowd.

There’s _nothing_ like standing in front of a cheering crowd. There’s _nothing_  like hearing them chant your name. De-San-To! De-San-To! She would pay people to follow her around, chanting her name all day. Oh damn, maybe she should. She types “DeSanto chntrs” into the Notes app on her phone. She will _definitely_ remember what that refers to when she reads it later.

Her first campaign was aces. She an’ her advisers had a perfect system. Anytime she said something that got a cheer, a clap, or even a chuckle, her scriptwriters would write it into her next speech, but punch it up a bit. If the crowd liked the punched-up version, they’d punch it up a bit more for the next speech. It didn’t take long before she was getting standing O’s at the end of every sentence.

She'd never felt anything like that before.

Sure, she didn’t really believe everything she said, but what politician does? Aren’t all politicians liars? They say what they hafta say to make people like them. An’ Robin is _good_ at making people like her.

Well, she useta think she was anyway. Her Lesbian has some kind of a bug up her butt for some reason.

Nobody had told her that actually being in Congress would be a lot more boring than campaigning. _Ugh_. So much sitting around. An’ listening to other people talk. So many boring white dudes, talking 'bout boring white dude stuff. She’d slept through most of her first hundred days, until her advisers told her that she was starting to get a reputation back home as “Do-Nothing DeSanto” an’ was gonna hafta start co-sponsoring some bills if she wanted to be re-elected.

Because oh yeah! When you’re in Congress, you hafta run for re-election every two years, and you basically hafta start planning your next campaign the day after you’re sworn in. That sounds like the kind of boring detail she probably shoulda paid more attention to during her campaign, but definitely wouldn’t’ve.

So she asked her advisers what bills she should co-sponsor, an’ she found herself a new group of people to please. Her fellow Republicans.

They were easy to please. A lot easier than her constituents. Just find out what everyone else is voting for, an’ vote for that. Done. Make a couple of jokes at the Democrats’ expense, an’ get a bunch of belly laughs an’ some pats on the back. Suddenly she was part of the Old Boys’ Club for the first time in her life, an’ it felt pretty damn good.

It’s not like she actually read the bills she co-sponsored or voted for. Come on. That’s the interns’ job. Everybody knows that. She was too busy taking photo ops an’ giving speeches an’ lunching with the Freedom Caucus to waste her time reading stuff. She didn’t need to know what the bills said, anyway. All she needed to know was that people would like her better if she voted for them. So she did.

Although. She is kinda bummed that that redheaded chick with the weird haircut coulda been hurt by one of the bills she’d voted for. Even if she is bogarting the couch that Robin _clearly_ had dibs on first.

Her phone buzzes with another text from Frieda. She’s lost track of how many times Frieda has texted her today. She hasn’t read any of them. She’s not in the mood.

She opens up Tumblr instead.

Oh. Dammit.

A picture of that jagoff intern is all over her dash. The one that Her Lesbian told her roofies girls at parties. She feels a little sick to think that he works on her campaign. That he thinks she’s on his side.

She saves his picture to her phone an’ texts it to Frieda.

            WHO IS THIS?

            HE’S AN INTERN ON OUR CAMPAIGN

            GET ME HIS NAME SO I CAN REPORT HIM

            AND FIRE HIS ASS

Seconds later, her phone buzzes with more texts from Frieda.

            Where are you?

            I need you at a press conference

            3 PM SHARP

            Robin, I’m serious

Fuck it, she doesn’t have time for a press conference. She drops the phone on the floor an’ heads in to the kitchen.

“Hey, Les’? Do you have any Cadbury Creme Eggs? I got some serious thinking to do.”


End file.
